What a week...

Well, if all of our paper works goes through we will be in for another year of fostering. Fostering has been a blessing ,but also one of the saddest and hardest things we've ever done. We had our home study yesterday and our case worker seemed pleased. She actually approved us for 5 kids this time, although I don't think I'll ever take that many at once ,because I'm already running like crazy with the two I have and they just added weekend visits for them, which I'm not happy about. I feel like I give up Mon-Fri for these birth families and I feel like my Sat-Sun should be MY family time. I've pleaded and I pray they will change it soon. Oh how I pray.
As foster parents we are so limited to what we can share,so I can't share that much on here ,but I can share some. I had court on Z today and the judge ruled for termination of parental rights. It's doesn't mean that it will go through. It doesn't mean birth mom won't fight (because she will). It simply means if Z is meant to be our son that we are one step closer today. I'm to scared to get excited. I'm to scared to make forever plans. We've been here before with Samantha (yes our grown foster daughter) & Bailey ,but in both cases we did not go to adoption. In both cases it really would have been in the best interest of these kids (and looking back today everyone would agree), but for whatever reason it did not happen. All we can do is pray that God's will be done and that regardless of the outcome that our children will be okay and that we will be okay (able to sleep instead of walk the floor, able to live and not constantly worry, able to keep on when we feel like crawling under a rock & dying, etc).
This week has for sure been trying on the nerves. I will be glad when it's behind me. Please pray for our family. We need all the prayers we can get as we try to follow God's will & plan for our family.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him,and he will direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6