Questions & Answers on Fostering

Most of the questions I get are about fostering. So I decided to take this time and try to answer a few questions on fostering.
Most people go into fostering for the WRONG reasons. Fostering is not about adopting. It is about reunifying a family. I'm not saying that none of your foster kids will ever come up for adoption, because that is not true...SOME do,but MOST don't and most WILL go home or go to live with a relative.
Some people go into fostering for the money. What money???? I get a little over $15 a day and if you take $15 a day and figure in all that it takes to raise a kid, you will realize that we foster parents usually spend a lot more than we make on these kids.
Fostering is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It takes tons of patience ,because most of these kids are coming to you from troubled homes, so they can be very different from your children.
Fostering keeps you very busy. You spend a good bit of time driving these kids to family visits, doctor visits, weekly counseling, dentists,specialists, and so on..... These fosters may have one visit a week or visits several times a week with any of the ones I mentioned. So you need to consider if you have time in your schedule to transport kids to and from at anytime they need it,because this was one of the least things I was prepared for when I started fostering. It takes up a lot of time and it takes time and attention away from your own family (hubby & kids).
I take in abused/neglected children to make a difference in their lives and to be that one positive role model that some have never had. It is a blessing to be able to give a child a normal and stable home, even if it is just for a little while.
However, no matter how much you love these kids or do for these kids, you are not guaranteed they are gonna welcome you in their lives and love you back. Because most, no matter what they've been through, want to go home to be with Mommy & daddy and most blame you for taking them from their parents. You aren't replacing their parents,and they will let you know that really quickly. You are reaching out (even to the parents) to be the bridge that helps these families to get on the right road and these children home.
Next, no one ever told me how hard it would be to deal with the birth families. I go in with a positive/kind attitude and I'm respectful to all the birth parents, but that doesn't mean they are gonna like me back...most don't. Most hate us foster parents and blame us just like they do DFCS for taking their children. I had one even to admit she had tried to plot how to kill me. Of course, she learned with time that I was not her enemy and we became very close friends. But, it is true that this can also be dangerous. We were taught in our IMPACT classes that taking someones child is the next thing to death...it hurts that bad. So as you can imagine, if you are the one with that child, you might not be liked very well.
Having foster children means giving up most of your private home life. DFCS can and does come in and visit your home any time they need/want. They have the right to walk through and check your home at anytime, and are required to visit your home at least once every month...sometimes more.
To foster you are required to have an approved home study done on your home and family, along with yearly classes, cpr,first aid, basic water safety/rescue(if you have a pool), and so on... When you start they give you a checklist of all you must do to be approved.It took us 7 months to get approved. Here are a few things that come to mind that we did.
Classes(basic training=30 hours), home study, referrals(6), physicals on all family members, pet checks/shots, blood tests for TB, sexually transmitted diseases,etc, septic tank inspection, water tested, back ground checks (state & US), a paper on our support systems, financial statement, home check(safety sweep), copies of marriage license/death certificates, copies of license & car insurance, shot records, discipline agreement,firearms verification, family pictures, pictures of your home, etc
You have to be able to work as a group with many people and all have the same goal in mind "What is in the best interest of the child"...not you,the birth parents, DFCS, casas, etc... It is all about the kids. So be prepared to work closely with the birth family, DFCS, therapists, teachers, doctors, casas, and anyone else that is working with your foster child. Also be prepared to meet new people who constantly seem to pop-up in your child's case and be prepared to open your life and home to all of these at anytime.
Realize you are a 24/7 babysitter for these kids. They become a part of your family. However, you have no legal rights to these kids. You basically take care/meets their needs while they are with you and you return them as soon as a judge says to.
However, you can't call your neighbor or your best friend to babysit for you when you have had enough. These kids can only be left with an approved sitter which must be a licensed child care provider or another foster family(that is approved my the state).
You also can take these kids over state lines with out written permission from the state and parents. So you have to make arraignments if you have to leave the state.
No you do not have to have a huge fancy house. Mine is a simple modest house. However, you need to have at least one bedroom for girls and one for boys. Babies can share adult rooms until they are 12 months but after that, they have to have their own space and all kids have to have their own beds.
You must agree to proper discipline for these kids. You can NOT spank these children. You can't withhold food, lock them in rooms, etc You are very limited to how you can discipline them. I use corner time, time out, and I ground(take away games, toys, etc). However, I can't force a child into time out or the corner. So it can get really tough.
You must also consider your own kids feelings. How will your youngest accept a younger child taking their attention? How about if you get an older child, will your child like having a big brother or sister around? What will you do if these kids don't like your kids ? What will you do if these kids and your kids fuss/fight? It can get really tough. Especially when you can discipline yours but you can't these. It can cause your own to resent the foster and the foster to know they can get away with more. So you need to think about your child, because you are now having to divide your time and attention between kids.
What will you do if you get a child that sneaks out, steals stuff, plays with fire,mistreats others, destroys your home/stuff,etc? These are all things you need to consider. Most foster kids won't do these things, but some do. So you need to be prepared,just in case.
Next, do you have room? Do you have room in your bedrooms for extra beds? Will your car hold extra carseats? These are the questions the state will ask you.
Will you be able to let go? If you get a child and you keep it for days, weeks, months, or even years,will you be able to give it back? What if it is a newborn that you've gotten very attached to but after several months a relative comes and gets it. Will you be okay letting go? This was the very hardest thing with my first newborn. It felt like someone had taken MY child or like a death. I went through a period of extreme sadness and I even grieved. I tried not to get attached, but that was impossible. I was hooked. I loved that baby dearly and when she left it felt like a hole in my heart and it hurt bad...very bad.
If you have a child that is not going to be returned to its parents, does not mean it becomes yours. Only after a parents rights are signed over or terminated, and after every relative near and far is found unfit/unable to care for a child are you considered as a possible candidate for adoption, but even then you must be stable enough financially,etc before the state will consider you. So your foster might be matched with a more suitable family if the state feels it is in the best intrest of the child.
Fostering is not easy. However, it can be one of the most rewarding things you ever do.
This is all I have time for right at the moment, but if you think of any other questions, just ask me. I don't mind sharing what fostering has taught me.