If I only knew..

Around 2 AM my little Blazer started kicking around in bed. He just kept kicking his feet really hard like his feet or legs were hurting. Then he moaned out in his sleep. I woke him up, re-positioned him, rubbed his feet, and he went back to sleep,but only for a few minutes before he started kicking again and this time crying out in his sleep. I felt of him, but he didn't feel hot like fever. I could just tell that something was bothering him. I got him up, checked his feet and legs over (they looked fine), gave him some tylenol , put him in a warm bath, and watched him for a while. Around 4 he calmed down and fell sleep. I have no idea what was wrong. After he dozed off, I cuddled him up beside me in my bed . I laid there, couldn't sleep, with a hundred things going through my mind.What if this is wrong? What if that is wrong? Wonder if he's getting sick?  Should I get up? Should I call the doctor? I couldn't help but worry.

I hate CMV and what it has done to my sweet little boy. It has taken so much from him and put him through more health issues than most people go through in a lifetime, and he is only two years old. He can't hear, so he doesn't talk. I tried signing "boo-boo" to him (while pointing at his feet and legs), but he didn't seem to understand what I was asking him. He is not like most two year olds, he can't tell me what is bothering him and It's so hard for him and It's sad.

 Sometimes I wonder what he is thinking. Sometimes he just laughs out so hard for no reason and I imagine he must be thinking of something funny. Then sometimes he stares off at a distance and I wonder what is on his little mind. Does he even know that his life is a little different than most? Does he know that most people hear and talk or does he think we are all just moving our mouths for fun? It's hard to know these things. I can't help but wonder.

This is a new world for all of us. We are still learning all about our little boy and his quiet unique world. This is not the life he chose or the one I would have chosen for him, but it's the one he was handed and sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. He has so much on his plate to deal with every single day. He's my sweetheart and when he hurts, I hurt with him.
 
 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him,and he will direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6