I'm trying to get back to being me,but it has been hard. I'm not going to sugar coat my feelings here. My heart is broken over my nanny. I can't tell you how much I miss her. In my mind I keep replaying her last few days & words...they are precious to me. I know it's going to take time to feel better and to feel normal again. It's just so very sad. I thought it would be easier than this ,because I didn't like seeing her suffer, but it's still hard. I'm selfish. I wanted to keep my nanny here at least another 10 or 20 years. Lots of grandmothers live to be in their 80's or 90's and I wanted mine to live that long too. However, I know it wasn't God's will or that would have happened.
The day before my Nanny passed she was in and out. The hospice nurse told us that it was important to tell her that it was okay to go. Honestly, I didn't want to...I told you I am selfish. I just couldn't help it because I loved her so much. She was the last of my grandparents left and she was the hardest to let go of. However, on Monday I knew it was my turn. It was the only time I had with just Nanny and me alone in the room. So I pulled my chair up by her bed and I held her hand. I started off telling her how much I loved her. Then I started talking about how she spoiled Robby,Bryan, and me (with LOVE) and how we were the most blessed kids in the world ,because we had the best nanny of them all. One single little tear fell from her eye and I knew she could hear me. I told her that I was sorry for being selfish by wanting to keep her here forever and would if I could. Then I told her that it was okay if she wanted to go. I know she wanted to be with her sister D and my brother Robby ,because I know how she had missed them and I knpw she was tired of being sick too. As hard as it was, I was thankful for those last few days ,because it gave me the chance to tell Nanny everything I wanted her to know, unlike my other grandparents who all passed before I got to say goodbye.
It's been a tough few days, but we are all taking it day by day. I know it will get easier and the sadness will be replaced with all the precious memories and we have been blessed with many of those. Anyhow, please keep us in your prayers.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him,and he will direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6
Hasselback Potatoes
1 day ago
my heart aches for you friend. I know how you feel and grieve with you. You are most certainly in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMany many huggs~
Aimie
May God hold you and your family in his arms....
ReplyDelete((hugs)) I know how it feels to lose someone dear and close to your heart. May the Lord surround you with His comfort and love as you grieve and miss your nanny. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI wish you could get a glimpse of your Nanny in Heaven. I'm sure words could not describe it. Even if you can't see her with your eyes, please try to see in your heart. Many Blessings.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete