Just stopping in for a few

Well, this week is winding down. Everyone was saying how fast this week is going by, but not for me. It has been the longest week ever....atleast that's how I feel.
We've been working really hard with GVA to get Jacob finished for the year. I really have not enjoyed GVA like I thought I would. In case you don't know what GVA is, it is Georgia Virtual Academy. I like the free books and extra things that GVA provides us, but I hate that I feel I can't be as creative, as I'd like to be. I've just felt like Jacob was bored all year. I'll just be glad when summer break is here and we can have a couple of months to do what we want to do.
However, I also dread this summer ,because I know my foster baby will be leaving me and I just can't even imagine my life without her now. I can't imagine her life without us ,because she is so attached to us. I really realized how much she notices stuff this past weekend when Anna took her to see Sherry(Anna's soon to be MIL) and she fell asleep on her couch. When she woke up, she looked around and busted out crying. She didn't know where she was or those people there. She also done this when my dad spoke to her on Mother's Day and also last week when my FIL came for a visit and he tried to talk to her. She is really noticing strangers these days. Other than that, she is always happy and never cries. I worry how she will adjust in a new life, new home, new bed, and new family because we are all she has ever known. I just love her so much and I can't help but worry. I just don't know if I want to continue to foster. I just get so attached and it hurts so bad. Some are easy to let go, but some break your heart ,and this one is breaking my heart already. I think ,if us foster parents could see our foster kids in their home a few times after they go home ,it would make it easier. If we could just see that she is okay and being taken care of. Usually, when these kids leave you, you never hear from them again ,and it feels very much like a death in the family and it so hard. I think the reason why most parents don't want to let the foster parents continue in the kids lives is because they are scared that they may mess up and that we might call dfcs on them. I don't know, but that is what I think. I'm not in it for dfcs and I'm not in it for the family. I am in it for the kids. I have loved all my foster babies and I do wonder and think about them all the time. It's sad ,because at one time these kids were apart of our lives and when they leave we do feel the loss. I don't know how it will be this time. Our baby's family said they would never take Bay from us or keep her from seeing us. So I don't know how that will go. I hope we will be able to see her and do things for her.
I just think I need to atleast take a break from fostering, because it is so very stressful and hard on not just me but my kids too. I've said this before ,and everytime they call me, I always say. "yes, I will take her/him". So who knows what I'll do??? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Well, I gotta run...
Little Emma is here and I've got to go to the doctor today.
I hope the rest of your week goes well.