My first few IEPs stressed me out! They made me nervous, sick, and unable to sleep the night before. I'm just being honest. When I entered the room, I felt like a deer in headlights. All eyes on "ME"....ugghhhh I felt overwhelmed and for sure outnumbered and I was. I felt hopeless and a little helpless. If you are new at IEPs then maybe this post will help. If you had a not-so-perfect IEP then you will fully understand what I'm talking about ...especially if you and the county are not on the same "team"...if you know what I mean. Well, I'm still kinda new at this too, but I'm learning fast! I figured I would share with you what others may not. Here are some things that I've learned from our IEPs...
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1. The county loves when dumb parents come to IEP meetings, so don't be a dummy. Even if you are one, don't look like one or act like one and you'll be just fine. Dumb parents don't push as hard or cost the county as much $$$$.
2. IEP meetings can and often will test your breaking or boiling point, so be ready.
3. They say the IEP meetings is with your child's "TEAM"...I'm still trying to figure that one out. It is more like "teams"...who is brave enough to agree with the parent (team one) and who is not (team two)...just saying.
4. You will have less on your "team" (unless you bring friends) because the other people are trained not to agree with you ( that is if they want to be in good standing with the BOSS) and they better not agree to anything if it's not already been ran by the boss and agreed to in "THE" budget.
5. Speaking of budget...It's all about numbers $$$$$ and ratios and $$$$ and $$$$.
6. Most of the "TEAM" talks with each other before you get to the "TEAM" meeting so they are already on the same page with each other. You will just need to catch up during the meeting (lucky you). Anyone not agreeing with the boss knows to shut up during the meeting. That's why some will act like the cat got their tongue.
7. You don't have to agree to their plans! Yes! You read that right!!!!!!!!! It's OK to say, "I disagree with you" but be prepared to give a real good reason why.
8. Don't sign the IEP on the same day as the meeting. Take it home and re-read it. You will be surprised how much was talked about and even verbally agreed to that never made it into the IEP. LESSON LEARNED THE HARD WAY! If it's not in writing, it didn't happen!
9. Watch how the experts word things in the IEP. Example- "designated para" is not what it sounds like. For us, it meant a para was added to the classroom. It benefited the whole class which was awesome but wasn't what I thought and was led to believe that we agreed to. Once re-worded to, "1:1 para" that meant a para was added to the classroom for MY child and ONLY my child. Big difference. They got me on that one...yikes! The wording "designated para" had me believing that my child had designated para dedicated to him and his needs...NOT! That explains why I never saw that para with my child...hmmmm He does now with the right wording! True story!
10. Someone said bring snacks for the "team" but that's not really necessary. Sure it might butter up some of them and may even make some a little sweeter or easier to deal with (if their blood sugars running low). Seriously, do you think it will make any difference? However, if you think it will then go for it but most likely it won't. Just being honest.
11. A few at the meeting will be on your team. They will set on the other team's side, but speak very little. Refrain from asking them questions like, "Didn't you say at the last meeting..." they will not be able to answer you. You will know them. The cat got their tongue. They look like a deer in headlights. Now don't be hard on them because those people really do agree with you. Just remember it's not their fault ...think budget, the BOSS $, the BOSS $$$, the BOSS $$$$. That darn cat!
12. The less that they can agree to, the less $$$$ it costs the county. So, don't expect them to agree with every thing that you are asking for without a battle. Come prepared with the right words and lots of documents to back you up.
13. Always bring a binder full of papers that you've collected on your child (school reports, doctor reports, therapy reports, work samples, medical history, any evaluations, any email communications, etc) This might require more than one big binder,,,just saying. Also, please don't forget your blank paper and pen to take down notes.
14. Be on time or even a little early to the meeting. Never arrive late.
15. Don't be a bully but don't be a push over.
16. If you didn't understand then ask them to repeat or explain it to you.
17. Always accept a copy of you parent rights because they will put it in the IEP that you declined their offer. SHAME ON YOU! Don't be a decliner even if you already have 48 copies in your binder just take it and say thank you. SMILE!
18. Bring your own "real" team. You know your family, friends, therapists, people who care about your child, doctors (even if its just a letter), or even a lawyer if you have to but make that your last option when all else has failed.
19. When you disagree or it gets out of hand you can always close the meeting and hold another one on another day.
20. Say your prayers, take a deep breath, hold your head high, and walk in that room like you own the place.
I hope these tips help! Best wishes!
