Update on the fosters...

I wanted to stop in and give you all an update. As many of you have read, Z started overnights with his birth mom last week. In a few more weeks he will probably leave us. This is not the way we thought it would go. We did not plan and never dreamed that Z would stay with us this long and then be taken from us. It's not suppose to work like this (according to state law 15 out of 22). At the 15th month mark, the judge told DFACS to file the TPR. Well, due to no available court dates ( We were told) they couldn't file it at that time. We were told we would have to wait but that we had nothing to worry about. Well, at the 18th month hearing the TPR still wasn't filed (although we were led to believe it was). At the 18th month mark the judge surprised everyone and dropped the TPR plan. She decided to give birth mom another 3 months, even though we had already started the process to adopt Z and thought in our hearts that he was ours forever.  It came as a complete shock to DFACS, GAL, and our CASA. All three disagreed with the judge's decision.

I'm still in shock. I don't even know what to think or feel anymore. We didn't sign up to adopt children (when we became foster parents) but we never said that we wouldn't. We just said that we would take it case by case. But, we also didn't sign up to raise a kid for years . We were asked by DFACS when Z was a little less than a year old if we were interested in adopting him. Yes! was our answer. What else would we say? He had been with us since he was 1 month old and now he is almost two years old. He is like ours and we LOVE him with all of our hearts. Our whole family loves him. We can't imagine living without him.

I'm angry and heart broken. I'm trying not to be (and I hide it well), but deep down I am.  I'm furious with our judge. How can she build us up and then go back after she agreed to TPR?   I'm angry at a system that is messed up and failing to many of our children. At last count our county has 16 TPR cases waiting to be heard. That's ridiculous. I'm angry with DFACS for leading us to believe that the TPR was filed and that Z was here forever. I'm angry with the birth mom because she has taken almost 4 times the amount of time it takes to do a case plan (and she's still not done). I'm angry because she wasn't even trying  for over a year (even with everything being done to help her) but once TPR was mentioned she decided to start the case plan.

Kids need to be reunited with their birth families if possible . I'm all for reunification. But, I think there needs to be a time limit on it and I think the rules need to be changed and laid out more clearly. I don't think any child should stay in the foster care system for years especially when there are willing and loving families to adopt them. It's not right to them or us. At Z's next hearing he will have been with us 21 out of 22 months of his life.  I think one year is plenty enough time for a parent to get their act together but two & three years is ridiculous. It only takes about 6 months to do a case plan. This is why the state can't keep foster parents and why the ones we do have are so discouraged & over loaded.

I'm not even going to tell you about Z's feelings. You can just imagine. He has no say so. We loose him, but he is loosing everything that he has ever known. His world is upside down and we can't do a single thing about it. His whole personality has changed since we started overnights. He is angry. We have seen a side of him that we've never seen and we've had him since he was 1 month old. Please keep praying for our little Z and us.

As far as JJ, yes he too is "supposed" to be going to TPR, probably next month (we will see about that) but we won't be attending any of the hearings. We were asked if we were interested in adopting him, but our answer is no :( After a long heart to heart talk with and without our children, we have decided this is what's best for him & us. You've got to understand that we've been through 2 failed adoptions now ( Bailey & now Z) and it hasn't gotten easier.
JJ will be staying with us until he is matched with his forever family (If it goes to TPR). I told them he is welcome to stay as long as he needs. I also asked to meet his forever family and to have him transitioned very slowly there, just to be sure it's a perfect match. I just pray they don't transition him until he is officially free for adoption, because I don't want another family to get their hopes up and then it fall apart like Z's case. Please don't think that we don't care about JJ ,because we do more than you know, but for now, we just need some time to heal our hearts and decide what our future holds.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I believe God has a perfect plan for all of our lives. Sometimes we can't understand it and it doesn't always make sense to us.  However, I just have to accept what is as it is...God's Will.


Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him,and he will direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6