Why I do what I do...

I am constantly being questioned about "Why I Do What I Do". Well, I'm going to take a moment to try to answer some of the questions I hear often....

1. What made you want to be a foster parent?
A child that I knew and loved had been placed in foster care. It not only devastated her but it devastated us. We loved her and we knew that foster care was what was best for her considering the circumstances, but it was hard. We thought,what if we could take her and her be our foster child. Well, that set the ball rolling. After much prayer, 7 months of preparation, we brought our daughter Samantha home. She was 15 years old. She remained in our home and aged out of the system. Although we didn't adopt her, she is still our daughter.

2.After Samantha, what made you keep fostering?
Well, after the work & time it took to become a foster parent we figured why not help more kids. After all we knew the need for foster parents was VERY high.

3.Does it hurt to let them go?
Most of the time it does. Sometimes it hurts really really bad. But, not always. When you work closely with the birth families (like we ALWAYS do), the kids & their families become part of your life & family (In most cases). We still see most of our past fosters because we built a good relationship with them.Most are thankful & appreciative of what we do.  But, sometimes you can't work with a family no matter how hard you try because they are so angry & bitter. Each case is different.

4.Does it drive you crazy having people in your house all the time?
Having the kids-no. I love having kids in my home. I can't imagine my life when we have no kids in our nest. A far as all the other people in & out to see our fosters-yes. It drives me nuts. We have case workers, CASA, GALs, and therapist in and out of our home ALL THE TIME. Sometimes several times a week. This has been the hardest for me. I've always been a rather private person. I'm not one that likes company all the time, but I've had to give that up. Our home & lives are an open book to the Department of Family & Children's services. Sometimes it feels like they own us and in a way they do.

5. How does your family feel about you fostering?
Well, it's mixed. Some like it and some don't but all respect our decision. My birth kids for the most part are fine with it. They like the younger kids and do best with them,not so much the older kids, that is why we are only taking little ones at this time. As far as my family. I don't think my parents really like it, but they have accepted it. My Mom-in-law thinks it is wonderful and encourages us and lets us know she is praying for us constantly. I appreciate that. My father-in-law is happy if we are. Extended family, well as far as I know they all are fine with it.

6 How many fosters have you had?
26 plus a few extras. 26 foster kids have lived here, but several more have come through just for the day or night.

7.Do you adopt / want to adopt any foster kids?
We didn't sign up to adopt, but we've never said we wouldn't. It is case by case. Actually, we have almost adopted 2 different times (Bailey & Z), but both were failed adoptions. Our 4 year old foster is eligible for adoption now, but we are not planning to adopt him. He is being matched with a waiting family. As I said, it is a case by case thing. We may never adopt, but one day if a child comes into our lives that just "fits" perfectly then we might.

8. How long do you plan to foster?
 I don't know. I can't answer that. As long as I feel it's God's will. My hubby said at least 10 more years, but I'm not sure about that. I'm just taking it year by year.

9. How many kids can you have in your home?
Well, the rule is 6 kids max under the age of 16 can live in a foster home. But, you have to also have space for that many. Up to three kids of the same sex can share a bedroom. So that also determines how many kids a foster family can have. We are approved for 5 foster kids at this time, because our birth child Jacob is still home and under age 16. However, we've never had 5 foster kids at one time. The most we've had is three.

10. Have you ever had to have a kid removed from your home?
No. I have come close a few times.  I try to be selective of the kids I take in. I get calls almost every day with kids needing placement but I say "not at this time" way more than I say "I can take them". I have to be very selective when taking kids, because many kids in foster care come with extra baggage(fear, anger, violence, etc) that I know may put my family or home at risk. My heart wants to say "yes" to every kid because every kid needs a home, but I know that is impossible. I have to put my family & our safety first.

11. Is it hard dealing with birth parents?
Sometimes. I try to build a good relationship with every family. It's much easier when you have a good relationship because you have to deal with the family all the time. But, when it is a bitter one, it is very hard. I've only had one family that I absolutely could not work with. I refused to carry the baby to any visits. I refused to speak with the mom or the grandmother. I hated when the baby had to go for visits because the family was so hostile. When that baby left, my heart broke. I worried so much about what would happen to him, because of the situation. I disagreed with the judge when she sent him home. I just knew it wasn't good. I was right. That child came right back into care and matter of fact he is still in care.

12. Is it hard dealing with case workers?
Not really. Their constant visits drive me nuts sometimes, but I actually love the case workers that I have right now and my CASAs. I've had a few over the 7 years that I wasn't so crazy about, but once we weeded out the not so good ones, it's been much better. It's not my place to do the case workers job, so I don't do well with case workers who don't do what they are suppose to do.  I also don't do well with new case workers who try to tell me how to do things when I've been doing this for 7 years.

13. What is the best part of fostering?
Being able to make a difference in the world and lives of others. I truly believe God created every single person with something in mind for them to do. I truly believe that this is Brent's & my calling in life. I also believe by serving others that I'm serving God. I think if every person would find their calling that this world would be a better place and every person would be happy because their life would be as God planned it to be. However, to many people live their lives for themselves or their own family and miss out on the extra blessings that God had planned for them. I love the feeling I get from knowing that my life has meaning and that I'm needed. It gives me a high knowing that my life is not just being wasted but being used to better the lives of others. Fostering has changed my life and made me a better person.

14. What is the worse part of fostering?
Letting go is hard. Having to say goodbye to the child that you have grown to love as your own is very hard. It feels almost like a death in your family. It hurts. Each child fills a spot and then they leave and it feels empty for days and sometimes months after. But believe it or not that is NOT the hardest part.
The hardest of all, is giving back a kid to a parent that you feel is not yet ready or able to be a parent to that child. This has happened only 3 times of out 26 cases, but those three times have nearly pushed me to my fostering breaking limit. All kids need to go home if possible but sometimes we send them home knowing that their parents probably don't have it together and most likely the child will come right back into care. It's hard not to worry and not to be scared of the "what ifs" but sometimes it's just out of our hands and sometimes the judge only sees the pretty picture the lawyers paint, not the way it really is, and it is very hard. That's the worse part. Our system is messed up.

Well, that's all for now. If you have a question, just ask.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him,and he will direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6